Trouble and Its Friends.

" Its okay not to be okay sometimes" - A good friend

We are all fighters only if we want to be. She used to think everyone has a battle to fight everyday, but with trouble pounding on her door lately, she realize that we are not all fighters. Not everyone have battles to fight because a battle is only a battle when you fight. Very often its easier to accept circumstances, to find comfort in our weaknesses and to build walls of safety than to choose otherwise; to choose to find hope in the shambles, to choose to muster what little strength that is left of us, to choose to raise the flag of faith higher and bring down the bricks.


Its a choice, but choices are easier given than made. Like never fading waves, trouble meets with her time and time again, bringing friends along each time the past few months.

If only fighting is as simple as how these words are put together, but time, memories and pain would remind us its not. But like a choice, perhaps we could start finding hope in the simplest words, in the simplest gestures, maybe, just maybe when we start this battle, courage will come. Just enough courage to bring down the walls we build even if it means one brick at a time.

Fight, because there must be something beyond what our eyes can see, something beyond what our little minds can comprehend, that lies ahead, that will be worth fighting for.

Until we see it, taste it, understand it, fight.

Its something she's learning too.

Valley come and tears aren't dry yet and there are things I don't see.

But I'll rejoice despite of hardship; You'll watch over me.

Your grace for me is all I need.

- Gungor

Tryouts

Remember the time when you were much younger in school, and sports day comes around, there’s always the tryouts. Where the fit gets through and the weak keeps trying. A time when butterflies would feel our stomach as we stand behind the lines marked on the ground. With one knee on the ground and the other ready to sprint, we wait for the whistle to blow. At this point, butterflies are multiplying by a hundred inside and our hearts beat fast and by the side of our eye are our opponents.

Ready, set, go.

It is not a question rather an initiation.

Ready? No.

Set? No.

Go.

The year started the same for her. She wasn’t ready, she wasn’t set, but she had to go. We all had to.

There is a difference to being lost and being on an adventure. Difference is when you have a map, some directions and the look on your face.

2011 didn’t wait for her to get ready and to get everything she wanted to get all set for the year. It just blew the whistle. Life is not a race, it will never be, unless you let it. Life has always been an adventure, a great crazy beautiful one to her. In the start of this journey, she wasn’t ready because she haven’t got a map, there was no plan, no exciting routes to look at or destination to look forward to.

This year, in the continuation of her journey last year, she had no map like an incomplete road drawn on a chart with the ends meeting blank spaces. But at the end of that map, she still had a friend. The one person who walked her through the journey before.

Like the track race, sometimes we aren’t ready. Sometimes the sun shines on our faces and we can’t see where we’re running and if we’re on the right track. That’s when you tune in only that familiar voice of your loved ones cheering you on by the sidelines, of the people you trust. And if you can’t see the end of the line, that’s alright, you’ll see it when you get there.

She didn’t have the security of a map in hand when she stepped into 2012, but she had a friend. A friend who made all the roads, who gave direction its meaning. And His voice is the only one she needs to listen when she can’t see. And as far as track races goes, when you’re running, remember the reason that got you running, and hold on to it. Because even if you might not be the first to cross the finish line, if you hold on to that one reason, you’re a champ already.

You never quit on your music. No matter what happens. Cuz anytime something bad happens to you, that's the one place you can escape to and just let it go. I learned it the hard way. And anyway, look at me. Nothing bad's gonna happen. You gotta have a little faith. – Quoted from August Rush

The journey we start could get rougher, it could get prettier, either way, what is that one thing you are not going to give up on through it all? Find that one thing, and if you have it, don’t let it go.

On a lighter note, here’s to a great adventure ahead.

Experiences

Experiences teaches you, it makes you – a tougher you- only if you let it.

All our experiences are based on the past, but not all that happened in the past are necessarily an experience because experience is something that impacted you, that changed you –for the better or worse, an experience is something that caught you in the moment, it pulled you aside for a second and said remember this, and most often than not, it made you your own teacher and made you eat your own lessons - that’s an experience.

That time you dipped your cookie in the milk for too long, it became too soft and fell into bottom of the cup. That time when you sneaked out of class, or that time you deliberately didn’t do your homework and was asked to hand in the next day. Remember that experience when you fell because your shoe lace was untie or that time you woke up early on Saturdays just for your favourite cartoon. The experience when you were betrayed of your trust, the experience when you scored a distinction or that time you woke up late for an exam or the when you had the best times of your life. There are gazillions of experiences that we have, and each, has shaped us to be who we are today.

Based on experience you might think the point here is to tell you that you’re are in control of how you are going to feel about tomorrow. But the real point here is what you do not experience shapes you. Yes, the times you just ate what your mum cooked, you don’t remember them, but she might have worked hard at it. That time you had a seat in the train and standing in front of you was someone who had leg cramps.

Yes, its equally ridiculous to be remembering all that happens in our life, almost impossible psychologically. But we can remember this, that our inability to understand something shapes our ignorance. So while you and I are ignorant, as difficult as it may seem, lets not pass judgements.

Something she is learning to this very day.

Ocean Deep

 

Come to think about it, life’s a lot like being thrown into the ocean (minus the sharks and jellyfishes)

We get thrown into it, and eventually we learn to swim and paddle through. If we keep with our strokes and our paddling, we get better, our muscles get stronger.

“The end of the year always excites me because its like the movies where the ending is always when everything happens”

– Mr Francis (Lecturer)

Less than two months away and the year comes to an end. We’re  in the ocean, all of us, question is where in the ocean are we? Maybe you’ve been swimming along the coastline, or perhaps you took on the adventure and you’re paddling to the middle.

Reflecting on her journey thus far, she recalls taking a few risks, she had begun paddling towards the high tides. Yes, there were times she felt her legs cramp, there were times she get tired. Even every now and then she still does get tired, but that’s when she floats a while and enjoys the view of clouds passing by and the sound of water lapping on the surface.

The ocean can be a scary place or a wonderful one, and its up to you how you would like it to be. But whatever you do, move. Because someday there will be a higher, rougher wave, and if you’re not ready, it will hit you, push you deep and sink you down. She has her surfboard and she’s waiting for that wave. Now you, the year is coming to an end, like a movie it will finish with a bang, will you sink or will you surf?

We’re all in the ocean, question is where in the ocean are you now?

On a lighter note, while you’re in the ocean, make a few friends and keep the bond, because life’s more colourful with a few more people in it.

Everybody knows

A new day, a new lesson to learn, a new experience, a second chance – to live.

Her eye shut tight as she holds in the pain. Tears flow because of helplessness, her body weakens and she feel her pulse drop. Last morning, a strange but surreal thought came to her mind. A thought that she believed with all her heart when breathing became harder and there were longer pauses between her pulse – that it was the end of the journey for her.

Today, now, the breath you just took in as you read this, and the one you just let out - its another chance to live. We’ve heard countless reminders to live like it was your last, and one day, it will be your last.

Love just because, forgive because someone forgave you, hug because it speaks more than words, laugh even in the toughest situation, cry because it releases you, share because it brings more meaning, take time to appreciate because you can – this is how she will live.

If it really is the end of the journey for you now, are there things that you’ve left incomplete? Go do that – today.

The stories we wrote.

“Everyday is a new story” – Marissa

 

Time passes by so fast. Where she is now is a place far from where she was six months ago. The road she took when she begun the new journey and the potholes and turnings has lead her to a road far from where it all began.

We’re all writers. We’re all working on a book with our names imprinted on the front cover. But the stories we write are different. Some write tragedy, some write love stories, some write about dreams. Whatever it is we’re writing at this time of our lives, we are nevertheless writing. Writing – an active word because reading this, you’re still working on that book –your book.

Today, she flipped through her book, where the pages are stained with words. And as she read through how one chapter closed and opens to a new one, she saw how some of the character in the book exits and enters as well. But what caught her attention was how she wasn't always the writer of her book.

 

Writing is not always an easy process, sometimes living is easy, other times we wished it was easy. And those are the times some of us have handed our pen to circumstances, and the people around us. People who have bruised our pages, caused pain and smudged the page. We let them write our story.

 

We might have given away our pen last year, yesterday, or the day before, or maybe just now, but what’s wonderful is that we can take it back. And write our story, with our dreams filled with hope and love. But as you write, don’t draw a line away from torn friendship, and broken dreams. Drawing a line away from something to protect ourselves from harm and pain is something nobody taught us to do, but we have been so good at it. Instead, lets try drawing a line to it.  And if you can, make connections, rebuild it, or else learn from it, but never hand the pen to it.

The book we write might not make it to the bestsellers list but as long as there are blank pages, keep writing, because its your book.

We’re all builders.

 

Seasons – we all have it. In a funny way, it keeps our life in order, like a folder which entitles ‘when i was eight’ or ‘college and all the stuff we did’ . We all have seasons in our life like folders.

Last season was really something for her. She learnt so many life lessons she didn’t have time to note all of them down here.

Life is such that we’re always building. Some people are building their family, some are building their faith, some are building a relationship. We’re all builders. But everything built can also be broken.

Last season she tore quite a number of buildings she held dear to her heart. Imagine building something so long and then one day, all that has been built starts falling apart. It was difficult. More than that, it was confusing. But if she had the chance to go back to that season, she would do the same thing all over again.

 

You don’t have to be an architect to know that unless you have a firm foundation whatever that you have set your heart to build will not last very long. And firm foundation could sometimes mean you need to dig deeper before you pile in the strong irons that would hold that thing you’re building. And if there was already a building built on weak foundation, that’s when you tear that building down and start working on the foundation- if its worth all the trouble.

Sometimes you have to break to make - to make something better than before, something stronger.

But sometimes, after tearing that thing you been building, instead of building it back, you might consider just leaving it torn down to the ground because it isn’t worth building all over again. Other times you try and try to build, and it keeps falling apart. It can get frustrating, sometimes you rather just sit and watch it fall and not do anything anymore.

 

Sometimes it gets tiring, trying to build something that falls even when you lay the first brick. But it is when you get tired of trying, take some time, go someplace, take your mind off, regain strength, and when you’re ready, remember what made you want to build that building in the first place, and try again.

One reason – just one is all that is needed to build. Find that one.