A letter that never came

Almost everything tangible has an expiry date. How differently would she have lived her life if she too had an expiry date, she wonders. Imagine if for every child born, a date is given, a duration proclaimed. Would we have lived our lives differently?

A letter that never came.

Lovely, welcome to the world, it can be a cruel place, but I hope you find warmth. It will bring you joy and sorrow, tears and laughter, hope and unbearable pain, I pray you experience it all. You will remember some and you will forget some. You will collect regrets and memories and loved ones. You will keep them and lose them. You will be useful and useless, when you find meaning and lose the purpose. You will live and then you will leave, while you live, I hope you are alive. 

 Sincerely yours for now, 

Time

A badge to the heart

She had a thought. An epiphany. An answer.

You can't unlove people.

Nobody can.

Your feelings might change, you may hate, you may cut off, you may loose touch but you can't unlove.

She pinned that thought on her wounded heart like a badge. A badge of hope, blessing and curse.

7 years

It's been 7 years. She stumbles upon the letters she wrote to others only to finally realize, they were for herself. Those letters speak strength, they hold truth and uphold hope. Seven years had passed and the pen feels different in the palm of her hands. The pages do not run smooth anymore. 

Hope is beginning to feel like something Santa brings only once a year and disappears in the face of reality and as you get older.

Dear Santa,

Where the fuck are you?

Trouble and Its Friends.

" Its okay not to be okay sometimes" - A good friend

We are all fighters only if we want to be. She used to think everyone has a battle to fight everyday, but with trouble pounding on her door lately, she realize that we are not all fighters. Not everyone have battles to fight because a battle is only a battle when you fight. Very often its easier to accept circumstances, to find comfort in our weaknesses and to build walls of safety than to choose otherwise; to choose to find hope in the shambles, to choose to muster what little strength that is left of us, to choose to raise the flag of faith higher and bring down the bricks.


Its a choice, but choices are easier given than made. Like never fading waves, trouble meets with her time and time again, bringing friends along each time the past few months.

If only fighting is as simple as how these words are put together, but time, memories and pain would remind us its not. But like a choice, perhaps we could start finding hope in the simplest words, in the simplest gestures, maybe, just maybe when we start this battle, courage will come. Just enough courage to bring down the walls we build even if it means one brick at a time.

Fight, because there must be something beyond what our eyes can see, something beyond what our little minds can comprehend, that lies ahead, that will be worth fighting for.

Until we see it, taste it, understand it, fight.

Its something she's learning too.

Valley come and tears aren't dry yet and there are things I don't see.

But I'll rejoice despite of hardship; You'll watch over me.

Your grace for me is all I need.

- Gungor

Tryouts

Remember the time when you were much younger in school, and sports day comes around, there’s always the tryouts. Where the fit gets through and the weak keeps trying. A time when butterflies would feel our stomach as we stand behind the lines marked on the ground. With one knee on the ground and the other ready to sprint, we wait for the whistle to blow. At this point, butterflies are multiplying by a hundred inside and our hearts beat fast and by the side of our eye are our opponents.

Ready, set, go.

It is not a question rather an initiation.

Ready? No.

Set? No.

Go.

The year started the same for her. She wasn’t ready, she wasn’t set, but she had to go. We all had to.

There is a difference to being lost and being on an adventure. Difference is when you have a map, some directions and the look on your face.

2011 didn’t wait for her to get ready and to get everything she wanted to get all set for the year. It just blew the whistle. Life is not a race, it will never be, unless you let it. Life has always been an adventure, a great crazy beautiful one to her. In the start of this journey, she wasn’t ready because she haven’t got a map, there was no plan, no exciting routes to look at or destination to look forward to.

This year, in the continuation of her journey last year, she had no map like an incomplete road drawn on a chart with the ends meeting blank spaces. But at the end of that map, she still had a friend. The one person who walked her through the journey before.

Like the track race, sometimes we aren’t ready. Sometimes the sun shines on our faces and we can’t see where we’re running and if we’re on the right track. That’s when you tune in only that familiar voice of your loved ones cheering you on by the sidelines, of the people you trust. And if you can’t see the end of the line, that’s alright, you’ll see it when you get there.

She didn’t have the security of a map in hand when she stepped into 2012, but she had a friend. A friend who made all the roads, who gave direction its meaning. And His voice is the only one she needs to listen when she can’t see. And as far as track races goes, when you’re running, remember the reason that got you running, and hold on to it. Because even if you might not be the first to cross the finish line, if you hold on to that one reason, you’re a champ already.

You never quit on your music. No matter what happens. Cuz anytime something bad happens to you, that's the one place you can escape to and just let it go. I learned it the hard way. And anyway, look at me. Nothing bad's gonna happen. You gotta have a little faith. – Quoted from August Rush

The journey we start could get rougher, it could get prettier, either way, what is that one thing you are not going to give up on through it all? Find that one thing, and if you have it, don’t let it go.

On a lighter note, here’s to a great adventure ahead.

Experiences

Experiences teaches you, it makes you – a tougher you- only if you let it.

All our experiences are based on the past, but not all that happened in the past are necessarily an experience because experience is something that impacted you, that changed you –for the better or worse, an experience is something that caught you in the moment, it pulled you aside for a second and said remember this, and most often than not, it made you your own teacher and made you eat your own lessons - that’s an experience.

That time you dipped your cookie in the milk for too long, it became too soft and fell into bottom of the cup. That time when you sneaked out of class, or that time you deliberately didn’t do your homework and was asked to hand in the next day. Remember that experience when you fell because your shoe lace was untie or that time you woke up early on Saturdays just for your favourite cartoon. The experience when you were betrayed of your trust, the experience when you scored a distinction or that time you woke up late for an exam or the when you had the best times of your life. There are gazillions of experiences that we have, and each, has shaped us to be who we are today.

Based on experience you might think the point here is to tell you that you’re are in control of how you are going to feel about tomorrow. But the real point here is what you do not experience shapes you. Yes, the times you just ate what your mum cooked, you don’t remember them, but she might have worked hard at it. That time you had a seat in the train and standing in front of you was someone who had leg cramps.

Yes, its equally ridiculous to be remembering all that happens in our life, almost impossible psychologically. But we can remember this, that our inability to understand something shapes our ignorance. So while you and I are ignorant, as difficult as it may seem, lets not pass judgements.

Something she is learning to this very day.

Ocean Deep

 

Come to think about it, life’s a lot like being thrown into the ocean (minus the sharks and jellyfishes)

We get thrown into it, and eventually we learn to swim and paddle through. If we keep with our strokes and our paddling, we get better, our muscles get stronger.

“The end of the year always excites me because its like the movies where the ending is always when everything happens”

– Mr Francis (Lecturer)

Less than two months away and the year comes to an end. We’re  in the ocean, all of us, question is where in the ocean are we? Maybe you’ve been swimming along the coastline, or perhaps you took on the adventure and you’re paddling to the middle.

Reflecting on her journey thus far, she recalls taking a few risks, she had begun paddling towards the high tides. Yes, there were times she felt her legs cramp, there were times she get tired. Even every now and then she still does get tired, but that’s when she floats a while and enjoys the view of clouds passing by and the sound of water lapping on the surface.

The ocean can be a scary place or a wonderful one, and its up to you how you would like it to be. But whatever you do, move. Because someday there will be a higher, rougher wave, and if you’re not ready, it will hit you, push you deep and sink you down. She has her surfboard and she’s waiting for that wave. Now you, the year is coming to an end, like a movie it will finish with a bang, will you sink or will you surf?

We’re all in the ocean, question is where in the ocean are you now?

On a lighter note, while you’re in the ocean, make a few friends and keep the bond, because life’s more colourful with a few more people in it.