Experiences

Experiences teaches you, it makes you – a tougher you- only if you let it.

All our experiences are based on the past, but not all that happened in the past are necessarily an experience because experience is something that impacted you, that changed you –for the better or worse, an experience is something that caught you in the moment, it pulled you aside for a second and said remember this, and most often than not, it made you your own teacher and made you eat your own lessons - that’s an experience.

That time you dipped your cookie in the milk for too long, it became too soft and fell into bottom of the cup. That time when you sneaked out of class, or that time you deliberately didn’t do your homework and was asked to hand in the next day. Remember that experience when you fell because your shoe lace was untie or that time you woke up early on Saturdays just for your favourite cartoon. The experience when you were betrayed of your trust, the experience when you scored a distinction or that time you woke up late for an exam or the when you had the best times of your life. There are gazillions of experiences that we have, and each, has shaped us to be who we are today.

Based on experience you might think the point here is to tell you that you’re are in control of how you are going to feel about tomorrow. But the real point here is what you do not experience shapes you. Yes, the times you just ate what your mum cooked, you don’t remember them, but she might have worked hard at it. That time you had a seat in the train and standing in front of you was someone who had leg cramps.

Yes, its equally ridiculous to be remembering all that happens in our life, almost impossible psychologically. But we can remember this, that our inability to understand something shapes our ignorance. So while you and I are ignorant, as difficult as it may seem, lets not pass judgements.

Something she is learning to this very day.

Ocean Deep

 

Come to think about it, life’s a lot like being thrown into the ocean (minus the sharks and jellyfishes)

We get thrown into it, and eventually we learn to swim and paddle through. If we keep with our strokes and our paddling, we get better, our muscles get stronger.

“The end of the year always excites me because its like the movies where the ending is always when everything happens”

– Mr Francis (Lecturer)

Less than two months away and the year comes to an end. We’re  in the ocean, all of us, question is where in the ocean are we? Maybe you’ve been swimming along the coastline, or perhaps you took on the adventure and you’re paddling to the middle.

Reflecting on her journey thus far, she recalls taking a few risks, she had begun paddling towards the high tides. Yes, there were times she felt her legs cramp, there were times she get tired. Even every now and then she still does get tired, but that’s when she floats a while and enjoys the view of clouds passing by and the sound of water lapping on the surface.

The ocean can be a scary place or a wonderful one, and its up to you how you would like it to be. But whatever you do, move. Because someday there will be a higher, rougher wave, and if you’re not ready, it will hit you, push you deep and sink you down. She has her surfboard and she’s waiting for that wave. Now you, the year is coming to an end, like a movie it will finish with a bang, will you sink or will you surf?

We’re all in the ocean, question is where in the ocean are you now?

On a lighter note, while you’re in the ocean, make a few friends and keep the bond, because life’s more colourful with a few more people in it.

Everybody knows

A new day, a new lesson to learn, a new experience, a second chance – to live.

Her eye shut tight as she holds in the pain. Tears flow because of helplessness, her body weakens and she feel her pulse drop. Last morning, a strange but surreal thought came to her mind. A thought that she believed with all her heart when breathing became harder and there were longer pauses between her pulse – that it was the end of the journey for her.

Today, now, the breath you just took in as you read this, and the one you just let out - its another chance to live. We’ve heard countless reminders to live like it was your last, and one day, it will be your last.

Love just because, forgive because someone forgave you, hug because it speaks more than words, laugh even in the toughest situation, cry because it releases you, share because it brings more meaning, take time to appreciate because you can – this is how she will live.

If it really is the end of the journey for you now, are there things that you’ve left incomplete? Go do that – today.

The stories we wrote.

“Everyday is a new story” – Marissa

 

Time passes by so fast. Where she is now is a place far from where she was six months ago. The road she took when she begun the new journey and the potholes and turnings has lead her to a road far from where it all began.

We’re all writers. We’re all working on a book with our names imprinted on the front cover. But the stories we write are different. Some write tragedy, some write love stories, some write about dreams. Whatever it is we’re writing at this time of our lives, we are nevertheless writing. Writing – an active word because reading this, you’re still working on that book –your book.

Today, she flipped through her book, where the pages are stained with words. And as she read through how one chapter closed and opens to a new one, she saw how some of the character in the book exits and enters as well. But what caught her attention was how she wasn't always the writer of her book.

 

Writing is not always an easy process, sometimes living is easy, other times we wished it was easy. And those are the times some of us have handed our pen to circumstances, and the people around us. People who have bruised our pages, caused pain and smudged the page. We let them write our story.

 

We might have given away our pen last year, yesterday, or the day before, or maybe just now, but what’s wonderful is that we can take it back. And write our story, with our dreams filled with hope and love. But as you write, don’t draw a line away from torn friendship, and broken dreams. Drawing a line away from something to protect ourselves from harm and pain is something nobody taught us to do, but we have been so good at it. Instead, lets try drawing a line to it.  And if you can, make connections, rebuild it, or else learn from it, but never hand the pen to it.

The book we write might not make it to the bestsellers list but as long as there are blank pages, keep writing, because its your book.

We’re all builders.

 

Seasons – we all have it. In a funny way, it keeps our life in order, like a folder which entitles ‘when i was eight’ or ‘college and all the stuff we did’ . We all have seasons in our life like folders.

Last season was really something for her. She learnt so many life lessons she didn’t have time to note all of them down here.

Life is such that we’re always building. Some people are building their family, some are building their faith, some are building a relationship. We’re all builders. But everything built can also be broken.

Last season she tore quite a number of buildings she held dear to her heart. Imagine building something so long and then one day, all that has been built starts falling apart. It was difficult. More than that, it was confusing. But if she had the chance to go back to that season, she would do the same thing all over again.

 

You don’t have to be an architect to know that unless you have a firm foundation whatever that you have set your heart to build will not last very long. And firm foundation could sometimes mean you need to dig deeper before you pile in the strong irons that would hold that thing you’re building. And if there was already a building built on weak foundation, that’s when you tear that building down and start working on the foundation- if its worth all the trouble.

Sometimes you have to break to make - to make something better than before, something stronger.

But sometimes, after tearing that thing you been building, instead of building it back, you might consider just leaving it torn down to the ground because it isn’t worth building all over again. Other times you try and try to build, and it keeps falling apart. It can get frustrating, sometimes you rather just sit and watch it fall and not do anything anymore.

 

Sometimes it gets tiring, trying to build something that falls even when you lay the first brick. But it is when you get tired of trying, take some time, go someplace, take your mind off, regain strength, and when you’re ready, remember what made you want to build that building in the first place, and try again.

One reason – just one is all that is needed to build. Find that one.

Pursuit of an answer.

“ The world is your classroom.” – mum

The past couple of days, she has been learning, not because she is living in that classroom but rather because she wants to.

 

Questions.

We all have them – no, it wasn’t the why questions, rather the what questions. If the world is her classroom, then she would like a refreshment course. She picked up the book she has been writing, the book that you and I have, flipping through the pages, she tries to look for a reason. An answer to one question – Love. A reason for love.

How can something affect us so mightily, how can something hurt us so much when it goes unnoticed, how is it that that something heal us, how can that very something affect us so much, and yet we don’t know what makes us do it.

Looking through the pages, she found no one definite reason. What makes us care that we care so much?

 

 What.

In pursuit of the answer behind this question, she asked the very person who loves her. She asked, and uttered the words,  the question came out right, but the answer came out unexpected.

The answer she received was not in words, but what welled up in the eye of the one she love. The drops that welled had a reflection of   herself. She found more than an answer, she found love. That answered all.

The world is a classroom, but the teachers are not always right. She learnt today that sometimes, we do the things we do, just because we want to. We love the people we love - just because we do. We fight for what we believe in – just because we do. And she learnt it through a friend- a best friend.

Sometimes when you’re in a classroom and there is a question. You try to look for the answers, you open the books, you search through your own written book, but there is no answer. Well, stop flipping through, sometimes you learn the best things out of the classroom, sometimes the answers are not where you are searching.

Right now, you’re in a classroom. The teacher has a name tag that spells ‘M-I-S-T-A-K-E-S’. Why don’t you ask that teacher to take a sit, and you try taking over the class instead, because when you do, the lessons you learn and the meaning you will find will be extraordinary.

But in the midst of learning, don’t forget to live.  Because in trying to answer her question, she almost forgot to do just that –live.

 Live – just because.

Pocket full of words.

 

Today she wore a jumpsuit. The kind that makes you feel like a child again. The kind that reminds you about that time you were a child and you discovered there is an empty little bag like thingy by the side of your pants people call pockets and that makes your boring pants so much more cooler. And the more pockets you have, the more cooler your pants is. Well, this jumpsuit was really really very cool.

Its a beautiful day. The sun didn’t shine too much, because the clouds had just poured rain, with the breeze blowing enough fresh air to make you feel like you’re on top of the world. She walked, like how you would on a day like this. She slips her hands  to the sides into her pockets to keep it warm and nice, but it was filled with so many things – words.

Like the kind you would see on a kids cereal box, she had words inside her pockets. Lots of words. Words that discourages,  words that heals, some lifts up, some puts down, and others broken. But all of it were in her pockets. In fact is explains the extra weight she has been carrying all along the journey.

Words are sometimes like knifes. As cliché as it may sound, you can use them to cut. Or to sharpen. But if not handled well, you might get a wound or cause someone else to. But no matter what the knife is capable of doing, remember we are the ones who hold the knifes. You and I.

Today, she pulled the words which were not worth keeping anymore. She kept words that sharpens instead, you should too. Because its not worth carrying the weight.

Hold your knife, blow a candle and cut a cake. Celebrate life, encourage. Because your knife is in your hands.

A friend better than a mirror.

 

Sometimes people can’t see hope anymore, you don’t seem to see it that way . – Jas

 

Sometimes you look at the reflection at the mirror and all you see is where the spots are, where the freckles are.

Today in her journey, she stepped into a place filled with mirrors. Mirrors of all kind. One that enlarges, one that shrinks, that heightens and one that shortens. But the things that only seem to reflect back is the spots.

Today, she stood in the mercy of her reflection with a question.

Is she enough? For all the things she does, is she enough? Is she enough for everyone and every other thing?

Sometimes in our lives, all we need is a new perspective, a reassurance, a friend.

 

Just that time a friend came into that room with mirrors, and for every reflection, her new company saw something in that reflection that she fail to see all along.

Hope and preservation.

And that was enough for her. To know that she is of hope and that she never stops trying. These two words will resound in her head for a very long time, like water to one who thirsts, it will sustain her spirit.

You too are more than the man in the mirror. Much more. Pass the freckles, pass the marks on your face, there is something inside of you.  You are made for a reason but instead of wasting your time searching for that reason, start living first. Because I believe unless you  start living, no other reason will matter.

Someone once said, ‘ don’t ask what the world needs,  ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

You are more than your reflection tells you.

The world needs someone like you. - Jas

The wait.

How much of human life is lost in waiting. – Ralph Waldo Emerson

 

We’re constantly waiting for something. Whether it’s a cab, or a relationship to bloom, or a decision, or somebody, or for a day, or for life. We’re constantly waiting.

Someone once said that the hospital is a place people go with questions but in which they do not come out with an answer but an extension. I walked into a ward and on every bed laid a life – a story. In this room there were two stories.

Erica

Her book of life is stained with blood - blood from her wrist. As I entered the room, I see her sit up on her bed talking to the company of people who comes to lend a support, who tries to wipe that blood stains on her book and flip it to a new page, who is trying to give her one reason to live.

 

A few feet away, lay another story, an aged one. One in which wisdom whispers through its pages, and its pages reaching the end.

Pakiam

Her fragile body lay quiet on the mattress. Her hair white pulled neatly to a knot behind, every strand representing the years she took upon writing her pages. As I watched her lay, her brittle legs start moving. And she pushed her legs out of bed by the side bars of the bed. Her hands held tight on the bar as she pushed herself to the corner of her bed. All she ever wants to do is stand. But because her legs were too weak she couldn’t.

I listened as Pakiam spoke of the people she loves. Her children, whom oblivious for her own good that they have abandoned her long ago. She took my friend who was standing next to me as her child, and begun talking about the times she has been waiting for her.

It’s ironic that the one whose book is left with so many blank chapters is trying to end the book. The one who has all the support is still in need of love. The one who can stand wants to fall. But the one who’s book is about to end, has not stopped writing. The one who has no support, and who is abandoned can show love. And the one who knows she will fall if she stands up, never stops trying.

But what more is that this two stories are just laying a few feet away from each other in the same room – waiting. Waiting to leave the room for different reasons.

 

In many ways, we are all waiting. Question is, what are we waiting for? The great John Lenon says, life is what happens when you’re busy making other plans. I think, life is what passes you by when you’re busy waiting.

If only we all know the reason Pakiam tries to stand up again and again although she knows she will most definitely fall, we might stop waiting any longer and try standing up. Try at least – to put one feet in front of another. To move. To live life as it comes.

Pakiam stood up again the next day. She fell again with her legs bruised. But that very day, her daughter had come to see her.

What are you waiting for?

This day.

We are very positive people – very.

We live our lives as if we are going to live forever. We go to bed so assured that we’ll wake up tomorrow, just like any other day.

Today, a child feels lost, a brother weeps, a sister grieves, a father breaks, a mother mourns. Today, a loved one is missing. All this happened suddenly – today.

Only heaven knows the hearts of the ones who mourn in Japan.

Quotes warn us to speak love to the ones we love, but instead we’ve made friends with pride.

A few hours ago, a friend sent false report that Malaysia might be hit with earthquake. Before her mind could process the impossibility of that happening, the faces of people she would like to meet before anything happens flashed in her mind, the things she would tell them.

We know that incredible speech everyone gives about living your life to the fullest and with no regrets. And she has been doing just that, but only until a few hours ago, there was a shift in her heart. There are still things that she hasn’t done today- those faces.

Live every day as if it were your last and then some day you'll be right.- H.H. "Breaker" Morant

If news comes that your nation is to be hit by a deathly disaster now. What would you do?

Live today. Live now.

Broken Bridge

Broken Bridge

Sometimes we break, most of the time we are broken because of circumstances, because of people, but nonetheless, we all have been broken once before.

Nothing lasts forever.

Oh how very protective can one be? Just like the saying, with much expectation comes much disappointment, she holds on to these three words, just so she won’t build on anything- bridges to be specific. Instead she found bricks, more than she’ll ever need.

Piling up the bricks one on another, more than building walls, she made a prisoner of herself. And engraved on the walls to remind her to never break that wall was those three words – Nothing Lasts Forever.

Wall with no rooftop.

Building the walls, she could still see the sky from where she stood. Sometimes, we hold on to something we believe, not because its true, but because that is the only possible explanation to everything that is happening. But deep deep down, you hope someone or something can tell you differently.

A voice.

No, not the scary one, but a still small one. Like your heart.

Look at the stars of the sky. Its beautiful. Sometimes, the clouds may pass and you can’t see the stars no more. You search and you cannot find, but its there. Something’s do last, but sometimes it seems as if its not there, but just you wait, when the clouds disappear, you’ll see its been there the whole time.

But even if something do break you, just you make sure its worth breaking for or else, mend it.

Your Scene.

Gandhi said that whatever you do in life will be insignificant. But it's very important that you do it. I tend to agree with the first part. – Remember Me (movie)

The past couple of months, she has listened to people talk about their dream, their passion, their wishes and hopes. There’s always a bright smile on their face and so much enthusiasm when they speak of these things. Somehow, their every word seem lighter and takes speed, like they have been waiting to speak of it about that dream that repeats itself in their head like a scene in a movie that keeps replaying in your head even after the movie credits starts rolling.

But most often, the scene which they speak about ends where it started. Like how when you listen to the same song, when it reaches the end, it goes to the beginning and stops, and ready to play again just in case you’d like to listen to it again. Time is what we say keeps us from making that scene a reality. Some say, there isn’t enough time, some say maybe another time,  other say it’s impossible.

You and I, we have dreams. Making it happen isn’t going to be as easy as uttering the words. But its important we try anyway.

A good friend said, “ Try. Don’t not try.”

Try- these simple word with three letters seem so insignificant, but it carries challenges, it encourages, it builds hopes and picks you up again, because even if you stumble and fall,you can always try again.

If you could hear me, I would say that our finger prints don't fade from the lives we've touched.

One day when our journey end, the things we do may be insignificant, but as long as it served its purpose at that time, then its worth doing. The choices we make doesn’t only define us, but it brings meaning to others.

Whatever you do in life will be insignificant, but it's very important that you do it. Because nobody else will.

Try. She will.

Quotes from Remember Me (Movie)

Blindsided.

Its been 33 days since she ventured into this new adventure.

“You really have bad eyesight!” Denise

Glasses.

They come in different sizes, thickness, and now even colours. She never liked using glasses. Its as if there is a frame in everything that she sees.

Frodo: I can't do this, Sam.

Sam: I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo. The ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn't want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened?

From a distant she heard voices. As she walks to get a better view, she sees a blur image of a group of people standing side by side, talking- deeply. As she approaches even nearer, she sees strain on their foreheads, their brows bending sharp, what sounded like discussion were turning into commotion. Some were bending over back to take a look at the table, some were tilting their heads as they sit on the ground, trying to take a look at what was on the table. 

A different glass.

Some said the cup was half full, some said, it was rather half empty. Some just didn’t care. One just walked over and drank that glass of water, put it back on the table and walked away.

But in the end, it's only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, Mr. Frodo, I do understand.

What she see matters, what you see matters. But if shouting out what we see  causes trouble and defeats the whole point of choosing to see that something, then what she sees and what you see does not matter one bit.

A dying man might ask  for a glass of water. Now if we’re going to be arguing about if he literally wants it in a glass or a mug, soon the man will die and there is no point in even talking about the glass. What you see and I see only matters if it helps, if it builds, if it constructs.

“If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything”- Bambi the movie.

Because its so easy to break then to build.

I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn't. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something.

Frodo: What are we holding onto, Sam?

Sam: That there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for.

— "The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers "

What you see matters, but why you see what you see matters more.